Can't smile for shit

It was a Sunday in late May. I got up early, took a shower and headed my way to Copenhagen to attend my two younger cousins' confirmation party. I thought I looked decent enough since, well, I had semi-dolled up myself. But that day, I caught an infection. A horrendous infection that has followed me until this day. The "I'd rather become one with the floor than being photographed"-infection. It won't go away. If anything, it's gotten worse. I cannot be photographed. Not when I know of it, at least. Ahem.

Yes, I do have pictures where I smile somewhat decently. Those pictures are called selfies. Selfies are taken by me. Duh. My point is, I am only comfortable with the camera if I'm the one behind it (and in front of it, hello, selfies). I've grown to absolutely despise it whenever someone's taking a picture of me. I literally feel like my whole life is in their hands when they do it. And being the nervewreck that I am, this feeling shows in my face - way too much. I become stiff, force a smile as if my life depended on it, which all in all results in the most awkward and uncomfortable facial expression ever. It'd almost be better if I just cried in the goddamn picture.

I'd really, really, really wish for myself to stop acting as if being photographed is equal to someone holding a gun to my head. (Because that's exactly what I do, not even fucking kidding.) It's funny though. I can be so confident in the way I look one day, but as soon as someone flashes a camera in my face, I shut down and feel like falling off the planet.

What a problem, huh. In my upcoming trip to South Korea, I should make a stop at KBS' broadcast station and submit my issue to Hello Counselor. Yes. Good idea.