I took me two months.
I was depressed. For the first time in my life, I can honestly say that I was that. I wasn't just sad. No, I was depressed. I saw no meaning in anything. I wondered if this was all there was to life. Why I'm attached to people when they're gonna leave me anyway. Why do I even have to live?
I don't know. I just cried. Sometimes a few times a week. Sometimes every day of every week. It didn't seem to go away. There was always a dark cloud over me.
But now, somehow, it doesn't feel so heavy anymore. I'm not as unhappy. I think I might just be ok. Not happy, but not unhappy either.
This is one messy post. I don't know. I'm just not as sad anymore. And I'm glad. I'm glad that I don't feel overwhelmed with sadness. I'm glad that I can't feel it. Depression.
Enough is enough
I'm gonna bring my social life back to life after almost two years. No one can do it for me but myself. Anticipate it.
Happy tet
Pictures taken a week ago, right before celebrating Chinese New Years with my relatives. Such necessary.
I rarely celebrate Chinese New Years. It's actually been over ten years since we last had a gathering at Chinese New Years. Wow. We're such a traditional family. This also means that I haven't received a red pocket in over ten years. Cry cry. We didn't even get any this new year either. Our parents brought them but, I quote my mom, "forgot to give them to you children". If that's not my family in a nutshell then I don't what is. Happy new year!
January
- 110% disappointed with how 2013 ended.
- Literally thought I was going to die because of my last wisdom tooth extraction. The right part of my head felt heavy and numb to an extent where I couldn't do much besides lying in bed.
- Pain gradually stopped after two weeks of pure hell and it wasn't until a whole month after the extraction that I was finally able to eat perfectly normal again.
- I was extremely depressed in the beginning of the month and often found myself questioning life. Still questioning, but a little less.
- Distanced myself from a friend.
- Reunited with old ones.
- Danced a whole lot of K-Pop dances, hoping I'd lose weight. Haven't weighed myself since December but from what I can see, I haven't changed that much. Boo-fucking-hoo.
- Started school again.
- Became OCD with numbers, more specifically: dates.
- Felt pretty for once in a long, long time.
That's basically the summary of my January. It felt like a really long month which is odd because I always feel like time flies too fast. Oh well. February just started and there's only 24 days left of it already. Huh. Guess this month is disappearing in the blink of an eye. Good time to be depressed then.
- Literally thought I was going to die because of my last wisdom tooth extraction. The right part of my head felt heavy and numb to an extent where I couldn't do much besides lying in bed.
- Pain gradually stopped after two weeks of pure hell and it wasn't until a whole month after the extraction that I was finally able to eat perfectly normal again.
- I was extremely depressed in the beginning of the month and often found myself questioning life. Still questioning, but a little less.
- Distanced myself from a friend.
- Reunited with old ones.
- Danced a whole lot of K-Pop dances, hoping I'd lose weight. Haven't weighed myself since December but from what I can see, I haven't changed that much. Boo-fucking-hoo.
- Started school again.
- Became OCD with numbers, more specifically: dates.
- Felt pretty for once in a long, long time.
That's basically the summary of my January. It felt like a really long month which is odd because I always feel like time flies too fast. Oh well. February just started and there's only 24 days left of it already. Huh. Guess this month is disappearing in the blink of an eye. Good time to be depressed then.
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